Pandora part I

[ltpika]

I think Maggie works as a match for Kean since he seems about on the same maturity level as her. It would be creepy with any of the older guys. So while Maggie is too young for my tastes, I think they are a cute couple. Plus she's a voyeur, that opens up some fun possibilities.

[Skelaturi]

if i would have asked for something, then it would be a stats screen. Well that is if the girls work with stats else, nvm.

[moskys]

Well, first of all, thanks Mortze for your awesome work. I was able to play Pandora several times before your site crashed ant I think I reached all the endings

(assuming a sweet caress in a beautiful sunset picture is all you can get from Rita in part1 )

.

Your art is great (not that you don't know it already) and the plot seems promising. Of course I've prefer some girls over others but I can understand why Kean has a crush on Maggie. And Greek Mythology is an endless source of erotic amusement if someone decides to explore that way. Just saying. Anyway, a ship full of young and hot people, the excitement about this legendary project, the Azores' Anticyclone, maybe some unexpected tropical storm... well, it all makes a good scenary.

I do have a questions about Rita's behaviour though

Why was she such a hard arse when the helicopter was first approaching? Later in the story we discover that because she was not diligent in some safety regulations, people died but that is all Noah was doing, being diligent with safety regulations. Surely she would have the opposite reaction. Sure she can still be intense and difficult to get along with but I don't think that was the right scenario to show that.

I've been thinking about that, Nezumi, and here's my take

IMO, Rita is traumatized because of that accident, so she is not able to think as rationally as you have explained. I mean, a normal person would do what you have said, but now, as Farik (I think) points out, Rita needs to do right and now what she has to do. She is so focused on her duties that she shocks when interrupted, maybe fearing that she won't be able to finish her work properly if she leaves it for a moment, thus causing a disaster. So she doesn't realize that a helicopter landing has priority over checking the sub's pannels. Her mind just can't compute... and I guess we'll see some dangerous situation because of that.

[Mortze]

I've been thinking about that, Nezumi, and here's my take

IMO, Rita is traumatized because of that accident, so she is not able to think as rationally as you have explained. I mean, a normal person would do what you have said, but now, as Farik (I think) points out, Rita needs to do right and now what she has to do. She is so focused on her duties that she shocks when interrupted, maybe fearing that she won't be able to finish her work properly if she leaves it for a moment, thus causing a disaster. So she doesn't realize that a helicopter landing has priority over checking the sub's pannels. Her mind just can't compute... and I guess we'll see some dangerous situation because of that.

You're very close moskys. Certainly, feeling responsible for someone's death can change your way of thinking straight. Besides, being inside a huge reinforced metal coffin might get you a wrong idea of security. And she has bad temper too, soo...

[kessie8dn]

@ DoomScythe and lagoonfish;
Mortze fears (and from what I've seen rightfully) that once a downloadable version is offered, control is lost. It's only a matter of time (milliseconds?) until it's offered without his approval and all too often recognition for who created it.
LRM

Absolutely agree! There are 4 save slots too, which is something you don't get on many games. Just go back and try different stuff, like you're supposed to

[redle]

Too many posts in this thread already for me to go through them all, so I can't be sure I'm not basically repeating. Never the less, here are my thoughts on the project.

I often question to what extent I classify a lot of the visual novel games to actually be games at all. This project has even less of a feel of a game than most. To me it felt significantly more like a completely linear story. I'll admit that the failed loading of pages from the server somewhat frequently did discourage going back and checking alternatives. It turns out that I much prefer the straight story to an actual game (where this type of visual novel is concerned). Gameplay is gameplay, and reading a story is reading. The two don't really mix well together when they both try to take an equal share of the stage. I was glad to see that this project doesn't seem to try to split the middle.

As for the story itself, it's an entertaining tale, filled with that unexplained, mystical sexual force behind the scenes driving everything. The writing can be a tad stiff at times, and there were certainly some typos and errors that an editor could help correct. Even with that, the story was very readable.

The graphics were very good. The time spent on facial expressions was well worth it.

My biggest complaint is, I never really like the hidden choices, especially in a story that is mostly about simply turning the page. I would love an obvious, "click here to turn the page", button that was visible and always in the same spot (am fine with the button disappearing on the few occasions when there are actually choices). To need to constantly hunt for the single moving target to continue doesn't bring anything beneficial (not to mention constantly needing to search to determine that there is, in fact, only 1 available option).

Only other comment I have at the moment would be about the Pandora history lesson:

My own recollection of the various renditions I've heard of the tale were not that "hope" was the one thing left within the box. The gift that remained in the box was that of foresight. The story goes that knowledge of the future means that it is set in stone and there is no way to alter it. By not knowing the future, one can always "hope" that life will improve. One can always try to improve things and wish for a better tomorrow. So hope is created by preventing foreknowledge. Hope is the side-effect of the item held in the box, not the item itself.

[kessie8dn]

An excellent first attempt. Congratulations..
I agree with the previous comments - the English isn't great, I actually found one or two parts hard to understand but I guess there is some advantage to the action being linear for most of the game
I'd suggest having the script edited by a native English speaker who can check what you're intended to say and come up with more appropriate English phrases - particularly when you're using slang terms which will never directly translate without sounding just plain odd

[Mortze]

Only other comment I have at the moment would be about the Pandora history lesson:

My own recollection of the various renditions I've heard of the tale were not that "hope" was the one thing left within the box. The gift that remained in the box was that of foresight. The story goes that knowledge of the future means that it is set in stone and there is no way to alter it. By not knowing the future, one can always "hope" that life will improve. One can always try to improve things and wish for a better tomorrow. So hope is created by preventing foreknowledge. Hope is the side-effect of the item held in the box, not the item itself.

Hey, really cool data there. Could you send me some sources about it. I'd like to learn more about that detail. The story was told by Roos to Maggie and Kean that don't know a thing about it. She might have omited some details to not make it all more confusing. But that detail might come in handy.

Thanks for the review.

Thanks to all for your critics.

[Skelaturi]

Only other comment I have at the moment would be about the Pandora history lesson:

My own recollection of the various renditions I've heard of the tale were not that "hope" was the one thing left within the box. The gift that remained in the box was that of foresight. The story goes that knowledge of the future means that it is set in stone and there is no way to alter it. By not knowing the future, one can always "hope" that life will improve. One can always try to improve things and wish for a better tomorrow. So hope is created by preventing foreknowledge. Hope is the side-effect of the item held in the box, not the item itself.

Hey, really cool data there. Could you send me some sources about it. I'd like to learn more about that detail. The story was told by Roos to Maggie and Kean that don't know a thing about it. She might have omited some details to not make it all more confusing. But that detail might come in handy.

Thanks for the review.

Thanks to all for your critics.

out of the top of my head, i do believe foresight had soemthng to do with promiteus and his brother, and that hope idd was what was left behind in the box.

[Mortze]

out of the top of my head, i do believe foresight had soemthng to do with promiteus and his brother, and that hope idd was what was left behind in the box.

That's what my reaseach led to. But this type of academia has always some contridictions so another approach might be interesting.

[Skelaturi]

out of the top of my head, i do believe foresight had soemthng to do with promiteus and his brother, and that hope idd was what was left behind in the box.

That's what my reaseach led to. But this type of academia has always some contridictions so another approach might be interesting.

well you could go with the spirit part of it all. according to. The only thing that pandora managed to trap back in the box by sealing it was a timid spirit named Elpis (translated hope). Looking at Elpis she is descibed as a young woman holding a flower. And resembles hope (or more generally expectations)

now here is whats more challenging imo aswell. We humans are doomed by famine, aging, war, sickness. but hope was still trapped in the box. Does that mean we got no hope?

The conclusion, when Pandora traps Hope in her jar (or box), has eluded classicists for centuries. Was Pandora saving Hope for mankind, or keeping Hope away from humanity.

Nietzsche assumed the worst: By saving Hope for humanity, Pandora doomed us all to suffering in vain

you are the author Mort, its your story to tell. You can for example make pandora's box coffin like in size, you can us let it open it and see the most beautifull yougn woman (Elpis). Make your own twist on the ancient mythe. Its a myth afterall =P

[Mortze]

now here is whats more challenging imo aswell. We humans are doomed by famine, aging, war, sickness. but hope was still trapped in the box. Does that mean we got no hope?

That's the question Roos raises.

[FedoraMan]

Very nice work, Mortze! I wasn't sure if you were a native English speaker - there are some odd syntax structures, as others have pointed out, a few tense and voice issues, but on the other hand there is some quite advanced vocabulary which I would not expect from a non-native speaker. Kudos!

By the way, are you familiar with the equipment on the workbench? I think there are a few odd connections, but I can't tell for sure whether some of the items are waveform generators or network analyzers.

For my only real suggestion, it would be nice if there were some indication of the outcome of the choices the player makes. For instance, there are a couple of times where the player can choose between three responses: one will increase a certain hidden variable, another increases a different variable, and the third is neutral. In other situations, there are three choices, yet none of them actually change variables. In both cases, though, the next page is identical for all three choices, so it's difficult on a new playthrough to tell if you might be making different choices that actually matter to the outcome or just randomly choosing other dialog. I understand that it would be a lot of work to make different "response" pages for each choice, but maybe the same image could have different dialog from Maggie to indicate a bit more of her reactions? I'm thinking particularly if you get the "Game Over" ending, it can be difficult figuring out which choice, exactly, you did to disappoint Maggie or make her angry or whatever.

Either way, I very much enjoyed Part I, and I hope Part II does not take long! It's a very enjoyable game!

[Frank]

I was finally able to make it to the end. I guess mort's website going down was why I couldn't get to tub 30.

My critique. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT SERIOUS SPOILERS

I liked what I saw so far, but I felt like I was on rails at times. During the hot tub encounter in tub20.htm, I had no choice but to look at Roos's breasts, as far as I could tell.

Additionally, I hope that your statement that this was the first half of your game was off by a bit, Maybe this was the first 10% or so. You have tons of room for plot development. Take the time you need to fully develop it, so when your full version comes out, people don't think the game was too short.


Now some basic grammar/vocab notes. I'm not familiar with the term "Dipsy" (from the context menu in tub49, as well as the top text in tub62). Is that regional vernacular that I'm not familiar with, or did you mean "tipsy"?

Here's how I fixed tub62's text so it was grammatically accurate: "I'm only a little bit tipsy that's all! Come on, I'm cool with this, be cool too. I'll give you a blowjob after, I promise!" she surely looks desperate and your cock is so hard like stone.

[Mortze]

Additionally, I hope that your statement that this was the first half of your game was off by a bit, Maybe this was the first 10% or so. You have tons of room for plot development. Take the time you need to fully develop it, so when your full version comes out, people don't think the game was too short.

Hello Frank and thanks for your words.
What I did already said is this. Pandora part I and Pandora part II are Kean's POV and story on how he discovers...some things.
There is plenty of room for other Pandora games, with diferent POVs and story developments.