Hi all,
I've been alone all week while my wife and kids vacation on the west coast (my kids have march break and my wife is a homemaker so they have the time, whereas the college I currently work at is in session).

I've been mostly working this week. It's a huge boost to my free time to not have the family around, and I've been using that time to catch up on work (as well as to watch playoff hockey). And of course, after spending most of my Saturday working, I've been drinking (slowly) since 6 pm. Guinness, if your curious.

I feel like talking, and my house is empty. The friends I have here are not as fun as i'd like them to be (new friends, i just moved last August and haven't gotten deep with anyone yet. And in fact, I'll be moving again this summer, as I just landed permanent professorship elsewhere). So, I'm posting. I'm posting some ramblings, and actually, I'm kind of excited about it. I may start a blog, because i often feel like talking when I'm drunk, and i"m often alone at 2 am (family asleep) when I am drunk and feeling like talking. i'll warn you now, i'm not going to check this post for typos before clicking submit.

So what would my blog be about? It would mostly be about sex, but with an existential angst mixed in. My existential crisis is that I'm 43 years old, and all i really care about is sex (of course I love my kids like crazy, but sex is my preoccupation). My existential crisis is maybe a little more nuanced than that. Let me tell you: I am a scientist. I'm not shitting you: I am a professor of neuroscience. And actually, having just landed a permanent position at a research-intensive university, I can tell you that I'm a better than average scientist. The thing is, I want to be an artist. And the problem is, all i really care about is sex. Art takes passion, and the only thing I'm passionate about is kink. Science takes passion too, but I'm faking it for now. I care so much more about my literotica stories than I do about my publications in scientific journals, that I have to wonder what the fuck I'm doing with my life. That is my existential crisis. But I can't stick too long with one theme if this is going to be truly rambling, so lets talk about art that makes me jealous.

Forest Gump was on tonight. I was only halfway through my first Guinness, so you can't blame it on drunkenness: perhaps the most powerful scene (to me) of any movie ever is the scene where Forest hugs Jenny in the reflecting pool at Washington monument. I'm not a romantic guy, but that gets me every time. It was about the 20th time it was getting me that I was provoked to think to myself, what other move scenes are powerful to me? The list is incomplete, and I have to acknowledge the possibility that I might be lying to myself - and thus, to you. And now I'm comign back to this paragraph having decided to end the list at 3 more, and i will not that the moments i list are memorable, but none of them give me goosebumps like that scene from Forest Gump. They are just cool scenes.

In Terminator one when Kyle tries on shoes while the cops are chasing him.
In the Princess Bride when Inigo says he must know who the man in black is, and the man in black says "Get used to disappointment." And Inigo just shrugs, "yeah, ok".
In Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid when Sundance doesn't want to jump over the waterfall because he can't swim. Butch notes that the fall will probably kill him, and then with no further talking, they silently agree and jump.
Note that of these four scenes, writer William Goldman is represented in two, and actress Robin Wright is represented in two. I'm going to let Robin Wright win By noting the scene in Hurly Burly when Sean Penn and Kevin Spacey drive from the home they share, to the office they share, in separate cars, talking to each other on their phones the whole time (Robin is in that one too) (but actually I love William Goldman more than any other writer out there).

Alright, something else.

I'm trying to find the time to finish the LWT2 expansion script. I have high hopes. I've got some finale scenes that are going to literally send some fans into a blissful cardiac arrest. The hardest part is putting in more story, to appease the fans that wanted more of that. Y'know, I wrote LWT2 in response to fan requests for just more sex scenes. It was conceived as just an extension of LWT 1 - a bunch more sex scenes as reward for winning the game in whatever way you wanted. We made it a separate game because adding all those images to the old game would have made it ridiculously big and cumbersome. So I made a new game around it, but the focus was on just creating some new, kinky sex scenes for players to enjoy. I think most players appreciated that, but those that had higher expectations for a story that built tension just as effectively as LWT1, did not. I'm working hard to add that to the LWT2 expansion, but man, it takes a lot of work. And that ridiculous desire I have to be an artist makes it all the harder. I want to make something special. Fuck this, I'm staying on topic too long.

Sometimes when I am up late and a little, or a lot drunk, I listen to music very thoroughly, and lament that I am not using my life to send great lyrics out in to the world. (Just ran out of Guinness, and switching to gin and tonic, no lime, no ice, not because I don't have it, but because that would take too long). Lately, because of my affair in the Netherlands (if it was real) I have been fixated on "Oh Sherrie" by Steve Perry. God he had a voice, even if his music had that cheesy eighties aesthetic. But his lyric don't suffer from the time he wrote them. And the way he sings them. This incredible synergy between words and music. that song is killing me these days, even though I remember hating it when it came on MTV back in 1984 (what the fuck is he doing playing air guitar with a broom? He's a REAL rock star).

Anything else to say? I'm a little tired but I have all this gin and tonic left. What else?

I'm a damaged individual. I guess if you take me at my word, in this forum, I'm a drunk and I'm an adulterer. And I'm a sex addict. Or at least, I can't see past the importance of sex. To be honest, I kind of hate people who can. People who look down on those of us who just want great sex. The "there is more to life" crowd. I don't hate them (I know I just said I do). But I think they are full of shit. I don't believe there is anything more to life than pleasure. I want to be an artist to meet the people I touch, and to fuck them, if they are hot . I'm not jealous of the idea of leaving my mark for centuries. Because i think that is ridiculous. The world will end one day. Humanity will end one day, just like the dinosaurs. What is the difference between being remembered for 20 years, or 100 years, or 10000 years, when eventually there will be no one to remember? the "there is more to life" crowd are fooling themselves. i want to make a mark, with art, but not to be immortal, that's bullshit. I want to put my "art" (I will call it that, even though it may not deserve it) out there to enjoy connecting with people who like it, in my lifetime. I just want to fuck hot ladies who find my dirty mind hot. i guess i'm putting it out there to supplement my own fantasy, or to facilitate it. I didn't always feel this way, and I may not feel this way for the rest of my life (life is long and I've been at least three very different people in my life, already). that's just what i want to say after a lot of Guinness and gin.


Ramblings. Done for now. I hear the red Hot Chili Peppers on the TV movie I let play in the other room. I'm going to check out this scene.

If you actually read this far, thanks. I feel a little less isolated right now.
iksanabot

Skelaturi likes this.

Thank you for allowing me to spend this moment with you...

Best blog I've read!

Ha, I've got a sheepish grin on my face.
I'm not as hungover as I probably should be - I'm a seasoned drinker with a ridiculously high tolerance for alcohol.
Anyway, I'm not THAT damaged, but that was fun.

There are times in everyone's life when they need to open up the pressure value a little and let off a little stream (take that anyway you like. lol)

Thank you for sharing a little of your life with us.

Years ago i watched this Spanish movie, Inconscientes. It`s about a Spanish Freud`s disciple exploration of sexual fetishes and taboos, something he wasn`t prepeared for as he thought. A very funny comedy. They say in the Delphi`s Temple entrance was written "Know thyself". I have my own motto "Know thyself... but not too much". You never know if you`ll like what you`ll find. I know nothing about pchycology so I might be wrong, but that`s my two pennies` worth.

Perhaps at the beginning there were many planets going around the sun. But most of them ended up burning into the sun and some others seceded and kept wandering into the space until they were sucked in by some other bigger star. The only survivors were those planets who had the right balance of centrifugal and gravitation forces. But keeping the balance just happens to be god damn hard.

Well, as Scar put it: Life isn`t fair, is it? But who said life does owe us any fairness? The only question is: should we be fair and how much?

After I read your “ramblings” I searched on internet and i read “A Glorious Tease”. I`m not into erotic literature, but your epilogue reminded me of an italian erotic novel i`ve read, “Seta” (Silk).
For me it was something different because it begins as a confession of a real story then you can`t tell what is real and what is fiction and then it ends with an obvious fiction epilogue.

But why did you change the name of the female protagonist at the end?

p.s. I like your “dirty” fantasies. Very similar to mine.

Crane wrote:
After I read your “ramblings” I searched on internet and i read “A Glorious Tease”. I`m not into erotic literature, but your epilogue reminded me of an italian erotic novel i`ve read, “Seta” (Silk).
For me it was something different because it begins as a confession of a real story then you can`t tell what is real and what is fiction and then it ends with an obvious fiction epilogue.

But why did you change the name of the female protagonist at the end?

p.s. I like your “dirty” fantasies. Very similar to mine.

Thanks Crane. Thanks for reading and responding to my ramblings, and for reading A Glorious Tease. I hope you voted/rated the story.

I don't really want to answer your question because I want to leave that story as open to interpretation as possible - it is deliberately ambiguous. However, because we are discussing it in this forum under drunk ramblings, I will be slightly more candid than I am to people who e-mail me questions directly. First, I don't want people to be sure if I switched the name at the end on purpose, or just by mistake, accidentally giving the real name. However, if I did do it on purpose, it may have something to do with my expressed desire, earlier in the chapter, to never forget her name. Further to that, if I deliberately gave her real name, it may have been a hint towards what parts of the story were real, and what parts were not (if any were real, or if any were not). It may also have been something I did for her, if she's real, if she read it. Imagine how jarring it would be for her to suddenly, at the very end, see her real name. Simultaneously exposing her, and celebrating her.

First, that story is deliberately ambinguous in every detail, that`s very clear. Usually you don`t put real names in these kind of stories (unless you`re a piece of shit) but hey, perhaps she (if real) is a person who enjoys that . At least i hope it`s not a revenge or sextortion (j/k).
Second, all four parts were full of explicit fantasies (even if real) so it seems that epilogue really has something to do with a fantasy not explicitly admitted. A final tease. A final tribute. Yeah, i noticed that, because you wanted the reader to.
Third, to be honest it`s not that i`m astonished by your sex fantasies (which of course i liked) or even by your ability to place ambinguity and teasing (even the title could be interpreted in different ways) all over the story. If you really are a professor of neuroscience that would be a piece of cake for you. But i do like the communication attempt. Not the message itself, or the motive, (i don`t pretend to know them) the communication attempt, just as this topic you started.

Changing names? Well now i realised that the epilogue was written a couple of years later. I read it all at once and i didn`t check the dates. Ok, that makes sense, or at least i hope so. You`re suggesting maybe it was a Freudian slip? You`re shitting me, right?

Nice talking to you, iksanabot.

Crane wrote:At least i hope it`s not a revenge or sextortion (j/k).

Ha, I guess I better respond to that, especially because you might be calling me a piece of shit. It is not sextortion. I did not do anything without permission that I should have gotten permission for.

Crane wrote:. If you really are a professor of neuroscience that would be a piece of cake for you.

I really am a professor of neuroscience, and it was not at all a piece of cake for me.

Thanks again for your thoughts and comments
iksanabot

It was a tease. If i thought that i wouldn`t say i liked reading it.