by Squeeky » Thu, 11Jul28 02:25
Well ........
This last one ......
Very interesting.
You have begun to take things to a different level.
From earlier remarks I did not expect the threading that you produced, it was however pretty much like I meant when I made a comment about "choosing your own adventure". Yes, by whatever choice you made the story went in a different direction. Superficially it may seem to be a waste that one reaches an end without exploring what the other threading offers one does get a different story (and different personality traits) when going back and making different choices.
I'm not going to be intentionally 'picky', this is meant to be constructive. You introduced the girl being disciplined and having an 'odd' reaction to it. It would possibly have been nice to save parameters/variables from that area and bring them across into the "initiation lesson"; naturally that would not feature if that 'quality' had not previously been visited. What am I suggesting therefore? If you have a detour that brings up something of interest, or provide a trigger, on return to the main threading (yes, even then other detours might influence) then you will spark greater interest.
Squeaky is clean, I'm just a tad messy!