"The Pinball"

[Sexychild68]

everyone make sure to check out il joker's newest story "The Pinball"...i knew that there was more then one reason why i like pinball...

good story and artwork il joker...please keep on giving us your stories...love them...

[rkshooter]

Joker if I get a pinball machine would I get to make some renders along the same story without offending you......just a short story

[sinthoras]

Joker if I get a pinball machine would I get to make some renders along the same story without offending you......just a short story

Say yes
Another great one Joker (as always). This one wasn't as nasty as your other ones, but i liked it

[il joker]

rkshooter wrote: Joker if I get a pinball machine would I get to make some renders along the same story without offending you......just a short story

But, dear rkshooter, how could I say no? of course you can...as my mentor and inspirer, you're always welcome...in the next few days, just check your mail...
and as always, thank to all that appreciate my work...for me it's important, for you is a guarantee that I'll keep up...
regards to all...

[il joker]

sinthoras wrote: this one wasn't as nasty as your other ones

My friend sinthoras, what was the less nasty part? the one when he robbed her a**, or the one when she decided by herself to perform the oral exam?
ok...ok...just a joke...(I'm a Joker)...very happy that you liked it indeed...
Regards...

[Greebo]

Another excellent little incident, il joker - I'll be interested to see RKS's take on this storyline too, if he does come up with something.

[spitzertyp]

Yeah, this is another very good one, joker, thank u! But there's an unanswered question: the pinballmachine... is it one with multiball-option???
really enjoyed it!!

[JIMMYJOHN]

Hi "MILO"

[Greebo]

Multiball option? I think I only saw two balls moving at a time, but they were really scoring well.

[Yamato]

I've read all your stories Lil Joker.

What I'm about to say is my personal opinion and judging by the fantastic feedback you've had from all the Shark fans out here, I represent a minority. I know you did mention that you appreciated feedback so here goes...

Art: Excellent Art, the rendering, lighting, poses, facial expressions, bodies, intimate body parts are just simply awesome.

Intro: I really really really love your intro's they're unique and original. I've never really seem that a lot so keep it up.

What I'd like to see more of though...is more plot, some type of resistance from the girl(s) at least initially... otherwise the stories fall among the hundreds out there which are see girl...girl offers no resistance what so ever...fuck her anyway you want...and again no resistance...

That's fine but (my opinion again)...would like to see more conflict..thus making the ultimate goal,(fucking her) that much more exciting.

As an example...in "The Pinball" She says..."If I were a clever girl, it'd be better to run home"...then "Marcel I don't know", "today you feel like a stranger" but the body language there doesn't show that at all and in fact she is smiling.

I think the story could improve if she actually really really looked worried and, ya know, I don't know, something like try to go for the door handle and he would grab he by the wrist and try to sweet talk her into staying??? And little step by step... I sweet talk here...a kiss there,....a touch there...etc etc she would "give in".

Another improvement could be the anal scene....She never even meet him before and voila in it goes in the first time. I'm not saying in real life wouldn't happen but most probably not....I think the story could be improved if she resisted the anal so much so that it becomes another chapter or another date.


I want to re-emphasize that all I'm trying to do is give suggestions, ideas and constructive criticism and that I know you have the potential..... I like your ideas...love the sex in bistro on a pinball idea.

I salute you oh Great One! and I look forward to your next story.

Cheers!

[LRM]

@ Yamato
While I agree with your logic she was sans panties, and it should have been obvious to her, with him on his back below her; her passion pit was in full view. A tongue up her leg and her melting into a wanton pool of desire might have been more fitting. Dialog? We do not need any stinking dialog! I thought her intent was to interest him from the onset; she got mine!!! Great graphics and a believable story line. Thank You Joker.
L

[sharkfan]

@Yamato-I agree with your "resistance" idea. Maybe he offers her a drink to make things easier. Joker's stuff is great and I always look forward to his next story but I prefer a little more "work" to get to the ending.

[il joker]

[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi to all...I won't quote your messages, 'cause there was too much to quote...First of all, thank You all...I work for me, principally, but also for You my folks, and when You show your interest and your partecipation, I am happy, and if my tales are appreciated, I am two times happy...I love the critics, 'cause they permit me to explain something on my work...Dear friends, I am sometimes criticised by shark 'cause my stories are too long, how do You think I could put some more dialog, or worste, romance, in them? I prefer to give more importance to the act himself...(yeah, You know...that thing...the sex...) It's a porn-movie style cut...You know where are you gonna ending...In a serie, like the "Milly" one, from my teacher-mentor-friend RKShooter, You have the time for the characterisation of the characters(...)time that you haven't in a short story like mine...Anyway, thank You all, one thousand time, and I love You all, twisted family of Lagooneers...
P.S. : I have recently problems with my computer, that don't allow me to render with the speed I need, so next work may occur to need more time... [/font]

[sinthoras]

Hmm, i really don't think your stories are too long (i wished they would be even longer )

[Rikwar]

loved it Joker excellent work...many thanks