Inspiring Celina

[Super]

This will be a game like "Getting to Know Christine" by tlaero and phreaky using tlaero's Adventure Creator engine. More info will be posted at a later time.

[tonytiger]

Hi Superawesomemans, just had a quick couple of play throughs of your game and while there isn't much to go and I'm always will to cheer on any body who makes the effort to creat an AIF. I think to get a clearer idea of the characters more of the game is needed, I think Tlaero is being a bit harsh with saying he's a jerk I dont think theres enough to go on and nothing made me think that. I agree with you on the romance side for the sex. If you are to do a text only game I think more/longer descriptions are needed, and a introduction setting up the game. On the bug side when you meet jessica and then click "Say, aren't you in my History class?"" page intro7a doesn't have anything to click but this may just be a path not yet done. Please continue with the game

[ExLibris]

Also, unsure of title due to Meeting Keeley

It's also quite similar to Dating Jessica by phreaky, so you may want to change it to something more unique. Also, for a non-graphical game something like Twine (http://www.gimcrackd.com/etc/src/) would be more suitable. You might want to describe more than just the dialogue if it's not going to be supported by realistic graphics.

There's not really enough to go on for the characters at the moment, although I'd change the opening so that the player's first exposure to the PC isn't him whining about something

[prayForPlague]

Apologies in advance for giving my opinion. I try to keep my thoughts to myself, but I like the concept of the game and would like to see it worked on.

I agree it needs images to tell more of a story or a lot more text. If romance is the goal, I wasn't really impressed with their first meeting. It's just kind of like, the girls are looking at you so you stare back and/or work on the paper. It needs more 'their eyes meet' and stuff, then she looks away because of the shyness. Luke has a lot of jerk options and without any kind of character development he then seems to be a jerk. Actually they should be able to hang out at the library and have her help him with the paper there. It gets late while they work on it, yada yada ... sex ... end scene.

[fleet]

@superawsomemans,
Looks like folks are definitely interested in your work. I hope the interest shown encourages you to continue.
very respectfully,
fleet

[Super]

Yeah, I guess I should do twine, unless I can get someone to do the graphics for me haha. Oh ell, thanks for the feedback so far

[Greebo]

Given your stated game intention, how about giving it a title like "Helping Jessie"?

Edit: Ah, I've just downloaded it and explored it a little -- maybe "Meeting Jessie" was a bit more apropos!
I'd say that what you have done so far shows promise, although you need to be on the lookout for typos and other verbal or grammatical slip-ups (and I hardly believe the Campus has only one computer!). Also some of the paths one can take lead to actions or information to be repeated -- perhaps you need some sort of flow chart to keep things under control?

Even if you aren't much of an artist (and I certainly am not!) I find that for stories of any complexity you need to get a picture in your mind's eye, if not on paper, of the locations and characters you use. I've even used Google to locate typical floor plans for appartments and the like to work out whereabouts the kitchen, bathroom/wetroom, bedroom are at any given time, and one time I used a simple architectural package to figure out a tricky hotel layout.

Google's also useful for figuring out clothing and the like, even if some websites try to sell them to you! I usually have stacks of tabs waiting to be opened in Firefox, with clothes, furniture, restaurants, menus, etc -- fortunately nowadays Firefox doesn't insist on opening every tab when it starts and lets you just open the ones you want to look at immediately otherwise it would run me out of resources extremely quickly!

[Super]

Given your stated game intention, how about giving it a title like "Helping Jessie"?

I approve of this.

[tlaero]

Tlaero said my main character is kind of a jerk, which he shouldn't be

Just a little bit. He chuckles at Jessie when she's too nervous to talk to him. Imagine being a shy guy who's barely worked up the nerve to talk to the goddess in your History class...and she laughs at you. Major heartbreak there.

Tlaero

[LRM]

And a severe case of shrinkage.

[ExLibris]

Currently the story is set up so that Jessie is the supplicant and the PC is the angry god she must appease. That's good in the sense that it's the opposite of the stereotypical dating game. However, it creates a situation where the PC doesn't have to do very much to 'win'. For example, in this demo he gets a date without even having to get up from his chair. He can screw things up by being a jerk, but that's not very satisfactory in my opinion because a) the jerk options are really obvious, and therefore easy to avoid; and b) the fact that jerk options are among the things the PC thinks to say doesn't paint him in a very flattering light.

I'm not saying that their positions should be reversed, since that's something that I think has been done to death. However, I do think that there need to be other obstacles to them getting together because otherwise there's going to be a lack of drama. I'd also add that at the moment, the demo doesn't do a very good job of selling Jessie to the player as a love/lust object. In the absence of graphics, all we know is that she's shy and interested in the PC (and apparently her interest is greater than her shyness because she's the one who makes the approach). There's nothing to explain why the PC would be interested in her (or for that matter why she would be so interested in the PC).

The best opening to a dating game (in my opinion anyway) is probably Getting To Know Christine. Adrian is introduced to the player as being an introvert, while Christine is the unobtainable girl of his dreams. We get an immediate demonstration of why he lusts after her when she undresses in front of her window, which also emphasises her apparent unobtainability by having them physically separated. That means that by the time the player is given control, they're primed to be at least interested in Christine. It also explains (once we get to know her) what Christine gets out of a relationship with Adrian, a factor that's often forgotten. On top of that, Adrian's characterisation provides a believable explanation for why he's willing to conform to Christine's expectations (ie. she's helping him come out of his shell), rather than him simply saying/doing the things she likes so that he can bang her (which is what an awful lot of dating games boil down to).

By contrast, in this demo we're introduced to Luke in a moment of self-pity (they're making him write an essay? the horror!) which, although it has some relatability, doesn't make him very sympathetic. In the absence of any evidence for why he should be interested in her, it also makes Jessie's approach something of a nuisance to him, which is probably not the dynamic you want.

Title-wise, I think that moving away from the "verbing name" model would give the game more of a unique identity.

I hope you continue to work on this game because it's already got enough about it to lift it above the normal run of HTML dating games, especially in terms of originality. However, that originality also means that it's going to be harder to execute successfully. Best of luck.

[Super]

So I've decided I didn't really like where I was going so I'm redoing the intro. Updated the first post to amaze you with my artistic skills, and yeah. Hopefully I'll eventually have something to show.

[tlaero]

I like it. Call it "retro" and people will think you drew it that way for artistic reasons.

Tlaero

[Wolfschadowe]

I like where this is going. Keep it up! With good writing, the graphics don't matter as much, especially once you engage the suspension of disbelief and allow the player's internal movie theater (imagination) to get going. Although, once you have a developed story, it's easier to find an artist who will volunteer to help out and maybe replace your paint images with something more like you originally intended. Or, you may find you want to stick with Paint for the artistic effect.

Wolfschadowe

[Super]

Well, as you can see I've changed the name once more. Jessie is now Celina, a choice found by googling "Ideas for Girl's names" and it appearing near the top of the list. But I like it.

Anyway, I'm completely redoing the intro based on your feedback/ me not being too happy with original demo, so you can more or less forget about it. Also, someone volunteered to make 3D art for me- I won't say who because they haven't explicitly said it's alright for me to do so and I wouldn't want to lock them in to the project, though they'd be able to say if they want to. Just giving them that out. Anyway, I've already got a first look at the main girls, and they're looking good. So no kindergarten drawings XD

Otherwise, not much else to say at this point. Just letting you know there is another of these types of games being worked on, hopefully one that will be out sooner than BEW or Uni Dreams (to help pass the time)