by ExLibris » Tue, 13Sep10 06:58
Currently the story is set up so that Jessie is the supplicant and the PC is the angry god she must appease. That's good in the sense that it's the opposite of the stereotypical dating game. However, it creates a situation where the PC doesn't have to do very much to 'win'. For example, in this demo he gets a date without even having to get up from his chair. He can screw things up by being a jerk, but that's not very satisfactory in my opinion because a) the jerk options are really obvious, and therefore easy to avoid; and b) the fact that jerk options are among the things the PC thinks to say doesn't paint him in a very flattering light.
I'm not saying that their positions should be reversed, since that's something that I think has been done to death. However, I do think that there need to be other obstacles to them getting together because otherwise there's going to be a lack of drama. I'd also add that at the moment, the demo doesn't do a very good job of selling Jessie to the player as a love/lust object. In the absence of graphics, all we know is that she's shy and interested in the PC (and apparently her interest is greater than her shyness because she's the one who makes the approach). There's nothing to explain why the PC would be interested in her (or for that matter why she would be so interested in the PC).
The best opening to a dating game (in my opinion anyway) is probably Getting To Know Christine. Adrian is introduced to the player as being an introvert, while Christine is the unobtainable girl of his dreams. We get an immediate demonstration of why he lusts after her when she undresses in front of her window, which also emphasises her apparent unobtainability by having them physically separated. That means that by the time the player is given control, they're primed to be at least interested in Christine. It also explains (once we get to know her) what Christine gets out of a relationship with Adrian, a factor that's often forgotten. On top of that, Adrian's characterisation provides a believable explanation for why he's willing to conform to Christine's expectations (ie. she's helping him come out of his shell), rather than him simply saying/doing the things she likes so that he can bang her (which is what an awful lot of dating games boil down to).
By contrast, in this demo we're introduced to Luke in a moment of self-pity (they're making him write an essay? the horror!) which, although it has some relatability, doesn't make him very sympathetic. In the absence of any evidence for why he should be interested in her, it also makes Jessie's approach something of a nuisance to him, which is probably not the dynamic you want.
Title-wise, I think that moving away from the "verbing name" model would give the game more of a unique identity.
I hope you continue to work on this game because it's already got enough about it to lift it above the normal run of HTML dating games, especially in terms of originality. However, that originality also means that it's going to be harder to execute successfully. Best of luck.